'A Woman should know only how to do 3 Things: Tell the Truth, Ride a Horse, and Sign a Cheque.'

....or so said William Faulkner, according to Javier Marias' delightfully surreal 'Written Lives', which brings together a series of mini biographies of well-known writers, composed out of 'fragmentary and often...bizarre' anecdotal vignettes and tit-bits that 'treat these well-known literary figures as if they were fictional characters, which may well be how all writers, whether famous or obscure, would secretly like to be treated.' Of course, we know this to be absolutely true (in my case anyway - I used to frequently fake name people for the hell of it, and whilst temping, would make up fictional life histories and fake siblings and uncles just to pass the time.) 







The Book Drum Book Map

An impromptu, and largely wordless blog post (I'm saving them all for Nanowrimo - 1,796, and a free day today), but how cool is this?

They're still very much crowd-sourcing info, so go ahead, add something. Africa and Asia are still both oddly unpopulated.

Wish me luck - 2,500 word target for today... 





Writing, blogging and Stephen Fry

'Stephen Fry's Planet Word' was a BBC programme that ended  a week or two ago, but I only managed to settle down to watch the final episode last night, so apologies for the slight delay.

It was a really great series, and I thought this episode was the best, and would be the most interesting to share, as it talks about writing in all its incarnations, including Twitter and blogs (skip forward to around 46:00 for talk of blogging and Wikipedia).

Do you agree with their predictions for the future of books and blogging?







Some Great Advice from Charles Bukowski

This will either fire you up massively, or make you want to die. Either way, enjoy.

So You Want To be A Writer by Charles Bukowski

'if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.' 

 

From All Poetry.







An Open Letter to All Writers of Books

Dear writers,

Hello, how are you? I hope your days are productive, your verbs are appropriate and your advances are suitably high. I do not wish to fall out, as I love and respoect what you do. Really. It's just I have a small bone to pick with you.

Your chapters are too long. Yes, I said it. A pertinent issue it might not be, in these times of no money or hope, but your chapters are rambling and often irregular, making it difficult to tell whether I am better off starting another one or finishing where I am, without flicking forward to find the next break and inadvertantly seeing the precise word on the page that gives everything away. It's a type of K-Complex I think, like hearing your name in far off conversations. I can't help but see 'yes', she sighed', 'she surrendered' or 'she died'. It leaps at me when I'm looking for the chapter break, so I don't like to go looking.







My Life in Poetry, on National Poetry Day

Yesterday, Thursday 6th October,  was National Poetry Day, which got me thinking about which are my favourite poems and which are the most prominent 'flags' for phases of my life.

I've made a little list:







This Week I Have Been Mostly...

Whilst searching for a video profile of Dickens last week, I found this:







How Not to Approach a Blogger...

This is actually a DM conversation I had with someone the other day on Twitter. I won't reveal their identity to spare blushes:

Nameless Literary Organisation: 'Hi Lindsey - would you like to test run/write up my literary consultancy for free? [Link] Matt.

 

[20 minute pause]

NLO: 'If it endears you to me, I once worked at Constable and published a flash fiction called Lindsay Shits. Googlit.'

Me: 'Ha, why on earth would that endear me to you?! Tell me why I would want to test run/write up you consultancy - what is it for etc?'

[30 minute pause]

NLO: 'It makes people better poets and fictioners: [link]'

Me, having looked: 'I've not really got anything to submit at the moment, but will keep it in mind. I wouldn't write about it without trying it...'

Cont.: '...first. Btw, when you approach other bloggers, don't use the word 'shits'. Not nice.'

[On-going pause]

How many things are wrong with this picture?

Spelling my name wrong (my Twitter name is my name. The spelling is in it!), presuming he might need to 'endear' himself to me to get my attention (Creepy. Also, he 'once' worked at Constable? Makes me wonder why he doesn't anymore) and then linking my (misspelt) name with 'shits'. Umm, seriously? And then no thanks or goodbye. 

Manners, you say?! Is there anything in this that might make him expect a 'yes'? (And suggesting I might want to become a better 'fictioner'...back-handed insult anyone?)

So, in summary, no. No. 

No.

Does anyone else get approaches like this?







Esquire's 75 Books Every Man Should Read

You should check out this list because it's interesting and strange to read a must-read list without a single woman on it. Also, because it lists some humdingers. Because the captions are delicious. Because every caption begins with 'because'. And because it's far too long (75 books long, indeed) for me to post the whole thing here, so start with Raymond Craver below and then click here. And last but not least, because you're worth it. Yes, even the men. Yes.

       


Any you think are missing?